Where Can I Go From Here.....?

I spent last night with the confused bachelor. Not like THAT. Just spent the evening with him. I had hoped that going up there was going to help me figure out what's going on between us, but now I'm more confused than ever. Let me back up... I kind of glossed over the details of what's been going on in my last post, so I feel as though I have a responsibility to bring you, gentle reader, back up to speed.

You'll recall that the confused bachelor came from a matching online dating site. We were matched, we started emailing, there was immediate email chemistry. We met up for a date, had a great connection... then the weirdness started. He would make plans and then cancel them. He would only suggest seeing me at his apartment - never out in the world. He then confessed to me that he was trying to rekindle a dating relationship with someone he met before me. So I cut him off..... but he came back. I let him in again and we started to get closer. Then, he started blowing me off constantly and I told him that I don't want anything to do with a relationship based solely on what HE needs. We stopped talking.... then he came back again.

This last blow up was big. It was hurtful. It took me a while to get through it. But, as usual... he came back. Now we are where we are and I'm so confused. Although, maybe reading through this saga I'm starting to see that perhaps I shouldn't feel so confused.

Confusing fact #1: HE always re-initiates communication.

When I've told him to get lost, it's always been him who rekindled our relationship. He always contacts me to tell me how much he hates not talking to me. I - perhaps stupidly - take that as an indication that he is interested in me. Enough to swallow his pride and take the risk that I'll tell him to screw off when he re-contacts me. Although now he's got a reasonable assurance that I won't do that since I've let him restart things with me three times now without telling him to get out of town so I suppose that tempers the courage it takes him to recontact me.

Confusing fact #2: We have ridiculously strong physical chemistry.

It's great. Really. It's hot and satisfying and tender and sweet and .... OK. Enough details on that. Suffice it to say that I find it hard to believe that two people can sustain this kind of chemistry and have nothing between them.

Confusing fact #3: He's told me flat-out that he has feelings for me.

He's implied this before, but last night he actually SAID it. We watched movies and started to chat about love and life and our relationship and I put it out there that I have feelings for him. I'm not sure I've ever said that to him, either. He immediately said "and I have feelings for you." We talked about this for a really long time and now I just don't know what to think.

Basically he told me that he used to have a life he loved when he lived on the east coast. He had a girlfriend he loved (and who he thought he would marry) and a home and a dog and he was near to his son and he loved his job..... all of the pieces had fallen into place. Then.... she broke up with him and sent his whole world into upheaval. He was kicked out of his home, lost many of his friends, and had to find his footing after losing someone he thought he'd be with the rest of his life. So he picked up and left, moved to Chicago, and here he is today.

The fact is that he's not happy here. The reason he's not happy here is because he's trying to find the life he had on the east coast here - which won't, of course, ever happen. He'll never be with her or have the job he left or the house he lived in or the friends he lost while he's here. And he can't let go of that ideal and build a life for himself here. So, now knowing all of this, I need to figure out what to do here.

I have real feelings for this person. I'm attracted to him. He makes me laugh. When he's not bogged down inside his own thoughts, he's great to talk to. He's intelligent. We just have a good time together and we want the same thing - a real, involved, committed, meaningful relationship. I know he's done some messed up things to me in the brief three months I've known him, but I can't deny that my feelings for him remain. Perhaps I'm stupidly forgiving and perhaps I should be smarter about this, but I can't wish away my feelings....

I also realize that there may just not be anything here for me. I can't compete with his life on the east coast. I'm never going to be the girl that he lost. I'm never going to fit into that idea of perfection. And I can't get him to snap out of the idea that he'll somehow be able to get that life back despite the fact that it exploded spectacularly into 1,000 pieces. I also can't do anything to get him to realize that maybe starting a new relationship might help him start to put down some roots here and start a real life here. I can't save him.

So, I don't know what to do. I don't know how I feel because my feelings for him are strong, but my feeling that I need to stop letting him hurt me (not intentionally, but just by not committing to me despite his feelings for me) while he figures out his life will eventually get stronger. I guess this is really hard because I know that if I continue on the course that I'm on, it is very likely that I will continue to grow closer to him and will eventually get very hurt when I realize that he is not capable of committing to me. However, I also know that if I don't continue to give this a shot, I'll regret it. I'll always wonder if I walked away from this guy to keep myself from getting hurt and lost out on an opportunity to start something real with him. I just don't know. I'm just terribly torn and I have no idea what to do.

So.... I'm off to girls' night out with Quinn! Hurrah! Dinner and drinks and dancing is just what I need to snap out of this malaise and start looking on the positive side of things again.... even though I'll probably be checking my phone and email all night hoping that he called me. Sad. :)