.... And I'm Out

Doo doo dooooo DOOO!

We have an answer!

Everyone's favorite compelling but confused and confessing bachelor has now divulged the details which led to his crazy email on Monday night..... HE'S ACTIVELY TRYING TO GET SOME OTHER GIRL TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM!!

Well, OK then. Glad we got that out of the way.

Now, don't get me wrong. I actually really do respect him for telling me (finally?) and for being honest about his situation. But come on. He tells me that she came back into his life a couple of days before he "met" me online and that he's been pursuing her since. Well, jeez, dude. If you're hung up on this other girl and she's been around since before me, why did you even go out with me?? I mean, I guess I understand some of what he told me about the situation (which, honestly, I cut off before he started getting into the "friends chatting about my love woes" territory). He said he dated this girl a couple of months ago and felt that they really had something.... and then she kind of shut down on him. He felt like there could still be something there if she could just open up to him. All that I get. I just don't get how you continue to go out on dates when you know this is going on in the back of your head.

So.. what did I say to all this?

I said he should go and see if there's something there with this girl. Because if he doesn't, he'll always count it as a regret. I certainly don't want to stand in his way.. but I'm also not going to 1) become his friend to bounce ideas off of about some other girl; or 2) wait around going on "second best" dates with him until he figures his shit out. I'm very proud of this. In the past, I think, I might have said "hey, it's OK! I'll be your second best if you just continue to kiss me!" Which is so pathetic. I think that my decision was the correct one - to bow out of dating someone who is clearly unavailable at this time. However, I did leave the door open...

I told him that if things don't work out with this other girl and if he gets to a point where he feels like he's dealt with whatever he needs to deal with as far as that relationship goes, he should feel free to call me. I've never done that before. Leaving the door open is not something I'm used to doing. I'm usually an all or nothing kind of girl. Like, if I feel that it's not happening, you're just done. No questions asked. But, I think that this is a huge step for me because I'm leaving the door open not only to him, but also to myself. I'm giving myself permission to continue feeling fond of this guy. I mean, he really didn't do anything wrong. Sure, I'm not real happy about the result, but in the end, I think he did everything as close to right as he could. I can't turn him into the bad guy here and just assume that he's obviously an asshole and I never wanted anything to do with him in the first place. I'm admitting that maybe this is a great guy... who just wasn't right for me. At least, for now.

Maybe he'll contact me in the future, maybe he won't. But I guess I'm happy about the way this turned out in the sense that (even if this is something I should have learned 10 years ago...) I'm getting better at this dating thing. Even if it means I have to walk away.