... the More I Love My Dog

Ever heard this song? Carrie Underwood sings it. "The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog." This is a very astute observation. I'm living proof.

The last two months have been, well, trying. I had drinks with a friend of mine the other night who told me that I collect failed dating partners as if they were puppies. I sit them down and line them up and train them like good little dogs in order to feel better about my own dating experiences. The sad thing is, she's kind of right. Let me explain...

It's been a while since my last post, so things are quite different now than the were a month an a half ago. Hopefully I can cut back on the time lapse between posts in the future. Anyway, since my last post, I've gained two "friends" from failed dating experiences, rekindled a romance that just won't seem to end and started dating a new person who, I think, may be too boring for me. Allow me to elaborate.

Our favorite confused bachelor is now, apparently, my "friend." I put that label in quotes because we're still trying to parse out the parameters of this friendly-but-not-dating relationship which, if I'm honest, is a direct result of the fact that I like chatting with this guy (amongst other things) too much to just let it die - which it really needs to. Things got messy between us about 3 weeks back. Lots of text message confessions of love and a pseudo-suicide threat and just a lot of fricking drama. I would go into more detail, but, frankly, I don't want to embarrass myself any more than I already have been by publishing the facts of the situation and demonstrating once again what an idiot I am sometimes.

Anyway, so there was this whole ridiculous blowup between us and we stopped talking... for about a week and a half. Then his texts started. And the emails. And the "well, can't we be friends?" And I'm too stupid and, frankly, too smitten with the idea of this guy not to participate. I'm hoping that I'll eventually snap out of it, realize that there's nothing to be had here, and slowly let it fade away. We'll see.

Second friend acquisition is the last guy I talked about before hiatus. Good writer, interesting person - totally wrong for me romantically. We did two dates. They were fun. I felt no attraction whatsoever, so I told him friendship was all I can offer him. He accepted, which was somewhat surprising. Normally, guys just don't respond to the "lets be friends" email, which is what I expected here. Instead, I got an invite to his place to have takeout and watch old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer which, I must confess, is a rockin' good night to me. So, we've been hanging out and talking very regularly since then. Its actually been really great and I'm really really glad things turned out that way.

The thing is, though, that I act as a kind of dating coach to both of these guys. With the confused bachelor, he tells me about dates, I respond. He doesn't want to hear about my dates, though. A sure-fire sign that he's not yet transitioned into the "friend" mode we've discussed. Graphic designer (bachelor #2), however, is completely transitioned and is a great friend to talk with about dating and internet nonsense. And these are, I think, the two possibilities for "friendship" after you realize you're not a match: either you torture each other with your presence pretending that you're not still attracted to one another or you turn into a dating coach and talk about little else in your lives.

So, there's those two. Who knows what's going on with either of them.

After the confused bachelor debacle I decided that I should use my traditional tactic of finding a ton of new guys to chat with online to ease the pain of the loss. I know, I know. There should have been no pain there. But, there was.... so I needed a distraction. I decided to change dating sites just to see what else was out there since I'd been using the same site for quite some time. So, I switched over and started my search....... and found very very little.

It seems that online dating sites go through phases (like dating in general) of having waaaaay too many choices or absolutely no one you'd ever be caught dead in public with. Plus, once you've been on a particular site for long enough, everyone starts to just be the same ol', same ol'. So, I figured that a change of scenery would be a good thing - but it turned out to be a whole lot more of the same - not much.

Anyway, I did start talking to one person on the new site. He's a web designer. A bit older than my usual age range, but I figured that since I'd plunged headfirst back into the dating desert, I shouldn't be so picky. We exchanged emails for a week or so and he, having failed to make a suggestion on his own, accepted my invitation to dinner at a low-key french restaurant we had both mentioned we liked. I was somewhat skeptical given his reluctance to ask me out and the age difference, but I was very pleasantly surprised after the date. Conversation was easy, we were laughing, enjoying each other's company. We closed out the restaurant. I was so shocked! But it was nice to get a surprise on a date - that hasn't happened to me in a while.

So I didn't hear from this guy.... for a week!!! Now, I wouldn't normally get irritated by this. Maybe a little hurt (if I thought the date had gone well), but not irritated, really. In this case, however, I was getting VERY irritated not hearing from him. Why? Because he made a pseudo-plan. What is a pseudo-plan you ask? Its a not-quite-a-plan. It's a lets-do-this-again, but not just "this." In this case it was "let's go to a movie together." OK. That sounds good! You have my number. Call me!

But there was no call. There was no email. For seven days!!! Seven days!!! Now, if the date had ended without a pseudo-plan, I would think "eh, he's just not interested." But you ACTED interested! You brought up another date! You even suggested an activity!! I thought...... ugh.

So I'm a total victim of the "He's Just Not That Into You" pop culture phenomenon. I feel like if a guy doesn't call me, its because he doesn't WANT to call me. So I mulled this over and thought it through and bounced it off of some friends and finally (after some fairly stern cajoling from the graphic designer) decided to email him. And he wrote back! Quickly! And suggested another date! For a Friday night! All good things. So, maybe that Greg guy isn't all that smart after all.

So! I went on the first Friday night date I've had in a really long time. Internet dating veterans all know that a Friday night date is a coveted prize. It means that the person you're dating actually values your time. A Tuesday night is expendable. A Friday night though..... it means something. So we met up for dinner at a veeeeery yummy Indian restaurant near my place (excellent taste!) and then went to see Zombieland. Fun stuff! Such a great date! Too bad we were both so fricking exhausted that conversation dragged, I almost fell asleep in the movie and, well, I screwed up the end of the date.

Now, web designer and I did not kiss on our first date. Which is OK. But I really wanted to get the kiss going on during this date. I mean, if there's no chemistry, what's the point, right? By the time we got back to my place (he drove me home from the theater... it was after midnight when we got back to my building) I was so desperate to get into bed and just get to sleep that I dashed out of the car and ran inside, stripping my clothes off as I went and (after a VERY quick potty break for my dog) went straight to bed.

Next morning I woke up and thought, OMIGOD, WHAT DID I DO???? What a fool I am! Did I lose my damn mind??? What to do? What to do? We were both exhausted. The date wasn't bad.. it was just... quiet. So, I decided to email him right away and explain that I ran from the car not because of distaste or disappointment, but out of sheer exhaustion-induced insanity.

Thankfully, he wrote back to me the same day and said he was relieved to hear that was the reason and not that I didn't want to go out again. So, we're trying to schedule another date now. Lesson learned. He may not be that into me.. but I'll never have any idea how into him I am if I don't put myself out there, communicate with my dates and swallow my pride - just a little.