...In the Dating Desert

From time to time, despite using two internet dating sites, there are weeks and months when you simply can't find a date. You comb through the profiles on the browsing sites and see only the same photos and the same guys that have been there for the past several months. Some of them you're not interested in.. others have told you that they're not interested in you. At any rate, there seem to be no options left.

There's also times on matching sites when the matches slooooooow down and you end up getting one or two matches a day (at best) and those people they do match you with are from places like Rottendam, Netherlands or London. Look, internet dating gods. I'm not going to "date" someone from London. I'd like to actually SEE this person, so knock it off.

I'm in one of those times now. There are few new prospects and no encouraging emails to keep me focused on the possibility of an upcoming first date. I'm just in limbo.... which makes will power very very low.

So our favorite confused bachelor called on Friday night - an unexpected development given his freak out on Wednesday re: some other girl he's trying to reconnect with. I was clear about my expectations, so I figured I had covered myself and went to meet up with him. Once again, we had fun. We drank some wine, watched a movie, made out... and I spent the night. It was nice. I still have no idea what's going on here. I'm not sure he does, either. But, I suppose its perfectly acceptable to just hang out and have fun and just wait and see.

But, now that I'm starting to get itchy because alternative possibilities are weaning, I'm also starting to fall into old patterns.

I have a buddy. You know what kind of buddy... don't make me say it. Anyway, this buddy is trouble for me. We reconnect a few times a year when we're both in between relationships and, you know, do the thing that buddies do. But the problem is that whenever we start up again, he always says the things and does the things that he knows will make me happy... by making me feel like there's more there than there really is. He stays the night and chats with me about stuff beyond buddy talk... and I start to delude myself that this might be someone who is right for me. Which he ISN'T.

Since I don't know what's going on with the confused bachelor, I'm drawn to my buddy for comfort.. and also so that the confused bachelor can maybe detect another penis around and hop to in the "figuring out whether I'm interested or not" department. And also to remind myself that there are and always will be other men out there so I don't need to settle for someone who isn't right for me (for whatever reason).

At the moment, we're just having a civilized email conversation. But I know that if he's not seeing anyone, and despite the fact that I may be seeing someone, we'll probably end up rolling around with each other on at least one occasion. And is that so bad? When trapped in the dating desert, isn't it understandable that you take a sip from whatever canteen may be available even if you know that you'll be ill later from what you drank?

Well, things will continue on the way they've been going and I'll keep trying my damndest not to screw them up too badly. In the meantime, I'm just going to try to stay as hydrated as possible during my time in the desert...